Blog Post #33 - Reflection on Project 2 Draft

For Blog Post #33 I will be reading through the comments my peers have made on my Project 2 draft.

U.S. Army Corps of Engin..."Nashville teachers graduate STEM curriculum with Corps externships".
6/7/2013. via Flickr. Attribution-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic

Though I had only one of my peers leave comments, Brandon's comments were quite enlightening. It was very helpful that we read my Clarity blog and he used that to help in his review. My effort to try and be more concise meet with good reviews as did my attempt at make it an easier read. I also attempted to stay away from direct quotes and that too was met with a good review and some insight on how to improve with that style. The conclusion is good but Brandon offered some keen analysis as to my staying away from restating the thesis word for word and trying to incorporate more of my own analysis of the piece. Thanks again to Brandon for review.

For my review of my peers, I looked at the draft of Mike Huebener and Brandon Goldenburg.

• Who specifically is going to be reading this essay?
• New and incoming students in the Race Track Industry Program. The program is split into two emphases, business and equine management which means two different types of students with a common passion.
• What biases might my readers have?
• People in the equine racing industry are very protective of it as it has been under some form of attack for several decades. The will probably be biased against anything that could be seen as detrimental to the industry as a whole. They are probably horse lovers, if not animal lovers in general.
• What are their values and expectations?
• People in the program tend to have grown up around horses or horse racing. This indicates a more rural environment in most cases. Rural environments typically produce people with conservative values and mindsets. They are more apt to take someone at their word and are usually friendly until cause to be otherwise shows. They will expect others in the program to have similar values and ideals and due to the small, tight-knit group dynamic, will expect truth and honesty from those inside the program.
• How much information do I need to give my audience?
• Whenever discussing a controversial issue, as much information as possible is a good rule of thumb. The information needs to be free of bias and as all-encompassing as possible. Though not every detail must be presented, being able to answer questions outside what is written is a good idea.
• What kind of language is suitable for this audience?
• I would stay away from too technical of jargon as you have to account for different experience levels. General business type language with more familiarity with the main topic would probably be acceptable.
• What tone should I use with my audience?
• Going back to the environment most of them grew up in, a familiar tone would probably be most effective. The group is small and everybody knows everybody else. I would keep the tone fairly consistent though you may need to change slightly for emphasis of a particular piece of text.