Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Project 4 - "Portfolio" and Reflection

PROJECT 4
“Portfolio” and Reflection

Jason M. Wittler

A LOOKING IN VIEW

To: Professor Bottai and my fellow students:
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Smith, Ryan Tyler. "old-MIT-classroom_Ryan-Tyler-Smith.jpg" 3/31/2014. via Flickr
Attribution 2.0 Generic
Before this class I never would have used the word writer to describe any part of myself. After this class, I still wouldn’t...not yet. I hadn’t been in an English class since my first freshman year of college in 1989 prior to this one. The span between then and now was covered with a career in the military. My return to college has been a truly eye-opening experience and this class was no different. My service has entrenched me in a style of writing that doesn’t exist outside of the Armed Forces. I approached this class with a lot of hesitation, unsure about what to expect and how I’d respond. I am very happy to say that I got through it and learned more than I ever thought I would. After being pigeon-holed in a strict standard of writing for so long, it has been invaluable for me to learn the new styles, techniques, planning approaches, and ways of analyzing writing. During this course I have been given tools I will undoubtedly require for the remainder of my college career, and possibly beyond. Breaking out of old habits has been a tough road and I still don’t have them all behind me yet. There is always room to improve and grow.

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Jason Wittler in MRAP. Saiyid Karam, Paktya, Afghanistan, 2010.
Picture taken by Richard Murphy.
Most of my experiences with writing have come from my 24 years of service with the U.S. Army. Due to many of the positions I held, I was required to create everything from operational orders and supply requests to school curriculum and training schedules. The Army has field manuals dedicated to explaining their style of writing and the process is extremely rigid, regimented, and inflexible. There is no room for emotion and sparkly adjectives. There is no creativity from the author, only a clear and concise passing of information aimed at the lowest common denominator, i.e., dumbest reader. For every question there is a who, what, where, when, why and how answer, written in a formatted layout, dictated by a manual process everyone knows inside and out. Breaking out of this mold has been extremely difficult for me. Attempting to undo 24 years of repetition and indoctrination has been a slow process. Fortunately, classes like this one are showing me alternatives and techniques that I can use.

The military is also where I established my process for doing anything. The Military Decision Making Process (MDMP) is a 7-step process used to work through any situation. It was so ingrained in me that I have found myself using it for vacations, house projects, and now, even school. Having this tool at my disposal has been both a curse and blessing. I am so comfortable with this process that I often times use it in lieu of other solutions that may be easier. It is difficult to try new approaches and planning methods. I found during this course that trying to use the approaches our textbooks lined out was cumbersome as I felt I should be doing it my way, the Army way. Learning new approaches to planning and new styles of writing has been an invaluable lesson. Incorporating them into the coursework that lies ahead can only help my cause and I actually look forward to tackling new challenges with my new found skills.

In our first blog we were asked to describe what type of writer we thought we were. Because of my past experiences, I wrote, “I don't think that my style of writing fits into just one category. My approach to writing seems to borrow elements from both the "Heavy Planner" and "Sequential Composer" types”. This is also how I approached our first project. By project 3, I was borrowing elements of all 4 types of writers, even Procrastinator. I don’t believe you can say you are one or the other all the time. Different projects will require different approaches as will your familiarity with with topic. I have definitely learned that trying only one approach doesn’t work. You have to constantly tailor something. Whether it’s your genre, audience, thesis, there is always something else that seems to need adjusting. You can be the consummate heavy planner but there will come a time when you are required to diverge from that path and use elements of the other types. The big take away, in my opinion, is that there are many methods and approaches available. Just because you have deemed your audience a certain way, doesn’t require you to write like that. Mixing elements in that may be atypical to one style could be the difference between gaining their attention and boring them to death.

I the next 2 years I am planning for extensive writing to be required. A lot of the law and management classes ahead of me have writing intensive curriculum and I have little doubt I will be revisiting our textbooks quite often. From our time in class, I’ve realized the necessity of being extremely familiar with the citation style of my major. I am still not 100% certain that CSE is the style of preference but I will find out. I am currently planning on completing both areas of emphasis in my major and imagine they will have different styles since one is a business focus, the other agriculture. I know I have muddled through the citation process in the past. The focus in this class opened my eyes to the proper way of using photos, quotes, and cited material. All of which I am sure I will require again in the near future.

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Jason Wittler calling for air extraction.
Operation Bright Star'05
Near El Alamain, Egypt, 2005.
Photo taken by Daniel McKay.
I honestly don’t know what the future will require of me writing-wise past college. As I stated in Blog Post #52, my chosen industry, training horses, is more of a hands-on type of thing. I do see a need if I ever decide to go into business for myself. Fortunately, my wife is an English Lit major and a self-employed professional writer within the commercial and residential construction industry. I have been a part of her process of moving from freelance writer to marketing/media consultant and the amount of professional writing required is extensive. Though I don’t foresee anything in my future requiring near the amount she deals with, starting any type of business requires writing. Letters to clients, promotional advertising, business prospecting, all will require some level of expertise with a particular style of writing to various audiences. The lessons I’ve learned and the experiences I have gained from this class will not doubt be essential in one way or another throughout the rest of my professional career.
With a bag full of new techniques and experiences I feel much better equipped to deal with what’s ahead. Learning of new ways to approach my future writing requirements will make the process much easier and less painful I am sure. I still feel there is a lot of learning yet required before I can call myself a writer, but I have undoubtedly take the first steps along that path. I am capable of writing at a level far above what I thought was possible. I am reminded of a lesson from my early military career that said, “Anybody can talk, but to truly communicate you need three things. A sender, a receiver, and most importantly, understanding of the message”. Quite often I find people who think they are great communicators due to their ability to orate in public or draft beautifully crafted letters. That’s all well and good, but is the message getting received as intended? We as a class received a lot of the tools required to ensure that when we speak, write, blog, or email, the purpose of our message will be clearly understand by the audience. It may have just been an English class, but it gave us the ability to truly communicate.


Of course, last but not least, I have to include my own personal victory lap! I am not sure how I’m going to celebrate, but the answer is in this picture somewhere.
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Wittler, Jason. "Victory Lap". 6/22/2015.

Blog Post #55 - Reflection on Open Letter Draft

Wiertz, Sebastien. "Drafting a blog post on a saturday morning" 4/9/2011
via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic
For my peer reviews I looked at the following works:

For the rest of this post, I will be answering some questions from my textbook explaining what I've learned about my draft from peer reviews.
  • Who, specifically, is going to be reading this essay? Or who am I trying to reach with my argument? (My instructor, my classmates, members of my academic community, members of the local community, etc.)
    • From out Project 4 assignment prompt we were told that our audience would be our peers in the writing class, as well as the instructor. We were instructed to talk directly to them in the letter, sharing our thoughts and feelings about this experience. My review comments suggest that I have succeeded in this aspect.
  • What biases might my readers have? Am I respecting their opinions while also achieving my own purpose?
    • As the letter is about me and my experiences, I would certainly hope there are no biases towards me. It is possible that my peers may have some bias due to them also going through the course if our experiences were to differ greatly. The potential for bias may also exist from the fact that they have been reading my writing in peer reviews so might expect a certain style/rhythm/tone, based on what I have previously produced. My review comments didn't specify any instances where I should a bias. I also did not get the impression that either of my reviewers had any bias.
  • What are their values and expectations? Am I adequately meeting those expectations?
    • We have certain things in common that bind us. We are all university students and we are all in the same class. Past experiences will certainly be different but the majority of us also come from the same culture and national heritage. So there will be some shared values and beliefs, but to fathom their individual preferences would be mind-boggling. As this letter is about myself, I would hope that their expectations are limited to how they perceive the assignment and the instructions that were given. After looking at the reviews I found that Brandon shared a respect for the military by thanking myself and others for our service. I received indications that my letter had met their expectations of how they understood the assignment.
  • How much information do I need to give my audience? How much background information or context should I provide for them without insulting their expertise?
    • Without restating the assignment prompt word for word, we were instructed to be open and honest about our personal experiences and visions of the future. I chose to relate my previous experiences to the difficulty I had in using the new methods and techniques we were taught. The story type feel of the letter was well-received and I got comments saying that. I also got the impression that I may have divulged more personal information than was expected but it flowed well and enhanced the overall tone of the writing. One suggestion I will be incorporating is ensuring I map out the lessons learned for better emphasis.
  • What kind of language is suitable for this audience?
    • We were instructed to be familiar but not informal. Due to the personal nature of the piece, I may have tended towards the more familiar side of this. According to the reviews though, this played well with audience. 
  • What tone should I use with my audience? Do I use this tone consistently throughout my draft?
    • Basically I retold a personal story and kept the tone consistent throughout. There may be a couple instances of "slides" outside the norm, but they played well with the audience so there was no confusion. By looking at my reviews, I would say that I've accomplished everything I was tasked to do.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Blog Post #54 - Draft of Open Letter

InsEyedout. "Studio". 5/15/2009. via Flickr
Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic
To my illustrious peers:

Some quick notes on my draft. I have not added any of the captions/citations for the photos but they will be included prior to finalization. I attempted to included links and quotes as per the assignment prompt but if you feel it needs more, please let me know. As always, I am completely open to any and all suggestions. I would pay special attention to my punctuation as this has been my notorious weak sport throughout the course.

Link to Draft Project 4

Thank you,
Jason

Monday, August 10, 2015

Project 3 - Public Argument

DRAFT Project #3
Public Argument
Jason M. Wittler

Ralson, Liss. “Whip-(c)- Liss-Ralston” 2/21/2011 via PETA Asia-Pacific
No Known Copyright Restrictions

PERCEPTION vs. REALITY??

            Since 1854 there has been an ongoing debate over the use of riding crops in horse racing. Depending on which side of the fence you are standing, it’s called a crop, whip, stick, popper, noisemaker. Regardless of which connotation you prefer, the riding crop is a source of contention that has plagued the sport and will continue to do so until effective rules and regulations are put in place. For nearly 40 years horse racing topped the charts as the most popular sport in America. Rivaled only by baseball and boxing, horse racing captivated the American people and enjoyed widespread success. In the late 1960s a slow decline began that continues to this day. Though the use of a riding crop is not the only issue frustrating the sport, it is one of the most publicly perceived. There must be a study done that focuses on the use of the riding crop. Such a study will allow definitive answers that are necessary for any resolution in this debate. Furthermore, new standards for jockeys need to be incorporated. Through a simple step-by-step process the industry has the ability to limit the use of the crop ensuring all other available options are attempted first. Lastly, there needs to be true effect with the punishments for rules violation. Having the rules and regulations is not enough! With these changes the industry can start moving closer to culture beliefs and values our audience requires.

Public view of current changes
Boyer, Sam. "Ridden for the Ribbon: Thoughts on Racing"
Date unknown. via Pinterest. Labeled for reuse.
            In 2015 we have seen a push from within the industry to limit to the use of the riding crop. Many states have adopted new rules and regulations governing the use of the crop including California, Minnesota and New York. Local regulations have also sprung up at tracks in Maryland, Louisiana, Kentucky and Pennsylvania. There is indeed a movement moving in the right direction but public perception is slow to change. Quite often these new changes are seen as ploys of misdirection or wholly inadequate. Blogs and chat boards are still filled with naysayers and oppositionists and, unfortunately, getting past all opinions to the facts of the issue is a difficult task. To change public opinion there needs to be a concerted effort by the industry that strikes directly at the perceived unethical practices. By demonstrating our willingness to make real change and enforce that change we can once again gain the acceptance of our audience.           

Desperate need for in depth analysis
Through better understanding of the impact and reactions of riding crops we as an industry can begin to formulate long-term plans that ensure we are providing the safest and most humane treatment we can. Across all organizations there is a desire for the welfare and safety of the athletes. It is this singular topic that nearly everyone can agree upon but how we get there is gray and muddled. There has never been an unbiased study into the facts surrounding the use of a riding crop on a race horse. The industry relies upon time-worn theories and opinions of horseman that may very well be true but that will never be enough to alter public opinion. Very few people would doubt the necessity of a riding crop at the starting gate. Training helps to ensure a horse’s exit from the gate but the jockey is the one altering/adjusting that course. The riding crop is a tool that helps ensure the safety of the athletes and riders. This is not where the public and industry outcries come from. It is the last 400m of a race that everyone is looking at. It is also during this time of the race that we witness the vast majority of urging by jockeys that bring this issue to a head. Jockeys going to the whip with a gusto that is extremely visible to everyone watching. A study must be conducted that focuses on the issue of whether or not the use of a crop increases an athlete’s performance at the end of a race. Every horse is different and reacts differently to different stimuli. Just as in humans, no two athletes will react the same way or have the same intestinal fortitude to dig deeper for the last ounce of “umphf” they can muster. Does the whip offer encouragement at these times? Does the fight or flight instinct, which is the basis for the use of the crop, still exist in these genetically engineered animals? Is there a point when the whip does no good whatsoever and is just a jockey attempting to appear to be trying? If these questions can be answered with validated proof then better, more realistic, rules can be emplaced to ensure the welfare of contestants and the sport itself. The study also needs to done in concert with all concerned parties to ensure unbiased testing. There is no way to appease everyone but every attempt needs to be made to capture and address as many issues as possible.

It all starts with the riders
Unknown. "The racing industry's Jockey Coachi..." 2014.
via jets-uk.org. Attribution 2.0 Generic
            The experience level of the jockey also comes into question with this issue. Though there are instances of veteran jockeys, often times highly publicized, appearing to abuse the crop, it is often the newer jockeys that are being penalized for misuse. There appears to be a culture with the up-and-comers that by rigorously urging their mounts they will win. There is a need to educate these younger riders and change the culture for any real, lasting effect upon horse racing.Time will tell with the statistical analysis that will be done as to where the continued violations occur. The newer jockey in the less profiled races are not in the public eye and therefore do not gathering the audience like the big races with veteran jockeys. Regardless of the level of competition, education will be the key in bringing jockeys into a culture of better horsemanship rather than abuse of the whip. Jockeys need to increase their fitness levels. With better fitness the jockeys will be more capable of using themselves as a tool without the need to constantly go to the whip for correcting the horse. A progression of correction should be instilled in the jockeys that relies on better horsemanship rather than jumping immediately to the harshest of behavior modifiers. This will require the jockey to think ahead and ensure the horse is ready and able to react to their commands. Firstly, the horse needs to be balanced and in rhythm before any correction can be made. Then, the  jockey’s voice needs to be the first tool used. Next, the jockey can proceed to squeezing and kicking with their legs. This can be used for small corrections in direction and momentum. Changing hands is another technique that cues the horse that demand is about to place on them. Along with the hands, pushing emphasizes to the horse that it is indeed time to find the next gear. Next, waving or showing the stick. This technique captures the attention of the horse and brings focus back from wherever it has wondered. Lastly, if the jockey is in contention, the whip can be utilized within the parameters of the rules and regulations that govern the state. This progression moves through 7 steps prior to going to the whip. If none of the steps are effective in capturing the attention of the horse or changing behavior in the way the jockey is demanding than there is a training issue or personality issue that needs to be dealt with.

Make the rules better
Rector, Tori. "Justice Gavel"
10/24/2008. via Flickr
Attribution 2.0 Generic
In the past, the penalty for a whipping violation was $200. This does little to discourage jockeys when they are looking at a $12,000 payday. Publishing a new rule set to appease public perception will not be enough to save the sport if it is not properly executed and policed. The installation of new rules is a great first step. If properly utilized and enforced, there could be long term benefits within the industry. Even with proper enforcement though, the penalties must be adequate to deter jockeys from violating them. Harness racing has been plagued with whipping issues despite fairly strict rules in regards to the whip. There is also a precedence of penalties being inadequate to deter violation. The advent of suspension in addition to monetary fines is one of the most effective tools. Multiple states are implementing this and results are starting to be seen. Hitting the violators where it hurts the most is harsh but it is effective and must continue.

Learning from others mistakes/successes
Learning from the mistakes of other industries is an invaluable tool in this instance. There is also the precedence and rules that other countries have enacted. Using tools that have already been tested and evaluated by others is a wise choice. Learning from their mistakes and building upon their successes only makes sense. Countries like Australia, England, France and Canada are dealing with much the same issue as we are here in America. In some cases the U.S. is currently doing more for the welfare of our athletes but there is always room for improvement. Taking a deeper look into Sweden’s racing industry, which has federally outlawed whipping of any kind, could provide insight into how the U.S. should proceed. In depth analysis of Australia’s fierce battle over the riding crop could ensure we do not make the same mistakes. It makes no sense trying to reinvent the wheel. Building on the lessons already learned can result in quicker, better, and more effective changes. But in the end, it falls back on public perception. If people view our industry as a barbaric spectacle bordering on animal cruelty how can we possibly hope to survive.

The road ahead
            Those in the industry think the public’s opinion of the ride crop is a misperception which may very well be true. But perception is reality and if they believe the crop is a tool of abuse, then it is. Other than the jockey themselves, the crop is the only tool for behavior modification during a race. Doing away with it completely is not an option for safety reasons so that leaves ensuring its use is viewed as humane and not abuse. The new rules go a long ways towards making the sport more publicly acceptable. How they are implemented and policed will continue that. Our industry has been on a precipes for some time now and doing nothing is obviously not the answer. If we want our industry to thrive and our way of life to continue then we must evolve to stay current with audience’s ethics and values. Without an audience, we will wither away into obscurity. The only way to avoid this downfall is to embrace and tackle the concerns they see within our sport.With further study, education, and increased awareness, the industry can further provide the public with the grandeur and spectacle that once made it the jewel of American sports and earned it the name, “The Sport of Kings”.
Froggerlaura. "With California Chrome and Victor Espinoza in the winners circle of the 2014 Preaknes Stakes"
5/17/2014 via wikipedia. Attribution 2.0 Generic

Blog Post #53 - Reflecting on My Writing Experiences

Ter Haar, Kate. "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when we look backeverything's different?"
1/14/2013. via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic
For this blog I will be providing some short but detailed responses to questions from our textbook.


  1. Your assumptions and ideas about writing before taking your first-year composition courses.
    1. Having spent 24 years in the U.S. Army, most of time dealing with operations and training, had me writing a particular way. The standards for military writing are strict and precise with no room for deviation or personal flair. I knew this wasn't the only approach but after being immersed in it for so long it becomes a tendency.
  2. The most important lessons you have learned as both a reader and a writer as a result of taking your first-year composition courses.
    1. As a writer, I've learned how I can communicate more effectively. Instead of just putting the words down, arranging them in such a way as to increase their impact. Also, looking outside my personal bubble for other avenues and paths to follow that still bring me to the destination I desired.
    2. As a reader, learning from the approaches others are taking and incorporating those ideas into my personal style. I was fortunate to have peers in the course that approached writing much differently than I do. Reading their works and gathering ideas I can use later was invaluable.
  3. The ways you brainstormed, narrowed down topics, and worked on thesis statements.
    1. My original style was to include as much data as possible about my topic. I've found that by narrowing my focus and keying in on the more important aspects rather than the whole picture can be just as effective. An added bonus is that it doesn't require a 50-page paper to do it.
  4. The peer-review process, including what you offered and what you received.
    1. The process helped me think about my topics and how I was presenting them differently. My peers were able to see things I couldn't and provide insight into how I could better help them understand.
    2. Reviewing others work gives you new ideas and ways to tackle a situation. Things I wouldn't have considered before, I have now seen and can use them in the future. Also, thinking critically about someone else's work makes you look at your own stuff with a sharper eye for detail.
  5. Individual or small-group conferences with your instructor.
    1. The feedback provided for both the individual blogs and projects was incredible. Being given feedback on the level of detail that I was given, ensured that those errors were corrected with future works. It was gave me ideas of how to incorporate different ways of getting to the same conclusion but often times, in a better way.
  6. The discussions you had about your paper with people who were not in your class.
    1. The only person not involved with my class to see my work was my wife. She is an English Lit major and currently owns here own business writing for the construction industry (blogs, newsletters, white papers, social media, press releases, etc.). Her style which is completely different than my own, lent her an objective eye that gave me good insight into how to improve my works. Also, I was able to provide her with proper citation, not the business stuff that is accepted.
  7. How you approached the revision process for each essay.
    1. With the first project I had little revision in the normal sense. I spent an inordinate amount of time building the piece and that process incorporated the revision process enroute. The second project found me scraping my revision process and doing more freewriting and then going back to revise based on peer review and my own review. The last project, a complete fiasco, was revised the most. I rewrote it 2 or 3 times prior to a peer reviewing it. I then went back and revised it again. Even after pulling it together with pictures, I went back and revised it again. I am still unhappy with the final product.
  8. Your understanding of reading and writing in different genres.
    1. I still think my understanding is a little weak but I know what I need to do to improve. I've become pigeon-holed into one genre and I need to break out of that. Even a specific audience can be presented with various genre of writing and still be effective. Analyzing my audience and then choosing how to write to them was a new approach and something I intended to get better at.
  9. What you would do differently if you were to take your first-year composition courses again.
    1. I would attempt to deviate from the norm more. There are many styles of writing that can effective and still provide enjoyable reading for the audience. Mixing things up more and trying new things regardless of the final grade would be a pretty cool experiment.
  10. How college writing fits into your life now and how it will fit into your major and future career.
    1. Many of my classes are writing intensive. As I move further into my major I don't see that changing but the style will be more scientific and clinical. For my future career, writing will not be a focus; however, if I were to start my own business that would open the door to all kinds of necessary writing.
  11. What did you learn (from a specific writing assignment, from a specific experience, or from the semester as a whole)?
    1. In both Project 2 and 3, the importance of analyzing your audience and deciding how best to present to them. Knowing how to effective communicate to a specific group will increase your credibility and open the door to your work even being considered.
  12. Did the choices you made, or writing experiences you had, reinforce something you already knew about yourself or about writing?
    1. I am not a writer. I am way too black and white in my thought process. I feel that there is a need to cater to your audience and entertain them in some way for writing to be effective. At this point, I don't have that ability. I can put facts on paper, relate details, and recount events, but I still lack the ability to make it interesting.
  13. If you did not gain as much from a particular project as you had hoped, what are the possible reasons for that and what might you do differently the next time?
    1. Project 3 was an absolute disaster for me. I chose an argument that there is no answer for. I found it extremely difficult to argue a topic without having any proof as to a viable solution. I think it could have been an interesting and lengthy research paper, but not a public argument. I should have chosen something that had clear lines delineating the sides and clear solutions from both.
  14. Think about the course objectives listed on your syllabus as you consider your success in the class. What course objectives did you meet? What objectives are you still working on?
    1. I believe I was successful in the rhetorical aspects. Analyzing text, using strategies to consider the purpose, audience, and context.
    2. I believe I was successful in practicing research, revising strategies, reading, and using the conventions of scholarly research and analysis.
    3. I believe I was successful at providing useful analysis of my peers work.
    4. The area I am still working on is creating multiple, meaningful revisions of writing. Though I understand the process I have found my revisions are often a restatement rather than a new idea or way of looking at the idea. Being more effective with revisions is a goal I still hope to achieve.

Blog Post #52 - Revisiting My Writing Process

Brown, Elliott. "Minterne Gardens-sign-Thank you for visiting". 4/30/2012
via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic
In my first blog post on this subject, I considered myself a mix of heavy planner and sequential composer. I still feel that is correct but I would now include a healthy does of heavy reviser. This course has introduced me to revisiting my work many more times during the process than I ever have before. Looking at my writing from a more critical aspect has shown me that my initial thoughts need to be revised to current more impact. Thinking about how to say something is just as important as saying it. To be considered a credible source the writer must create a sense of purpose that never deviates. I fear that my earlier writing attempts flowed entirely too much and the meaning I intended was probably never understood. It was perhaps more enjoyable to read but if the purpose is to get my point across I doubt I spent enough time to do both.

I like where I have come to in this whole process. Mixing the various styles and taking from each the things I need to accomplish my goals. Learning how to incorporate more aspects than just completely the assignment takes time and effort but will undoubtedly pay dividends. Time is the biggest enemy to this. To create a product to the standards I am now aware of doesn't allow for waiting till the last minute and throwing something together. I know what I am capable of producing and should always strive for that mark of excellence.

Looking ahead, these lessons will be invaluable with the rest of time at the UofA. Though looking for employment after graduation isn't a concern in my case, having the ability to write properly in my particular field with only help in building credibility with my peers. There isn't a big requirement for writing when training horses but there are aspects of the industry that do require it. I feel much better about my chances for making an impact if the need should arise.

Blog Post #51 - Reflection on Project 3

Hall, Keith. "Horse in the mist". 9/3/2005. via Flickr
Attribution 2.0 Generic
Reflecting on My Revision Process

  • What was specifically revised from one draft to another?
    • My first revision was nearly a complete rewrite. I had a very difficult time with saying what I meant to say. The second revision was focused on making my points and topics stand out better and show more of my stance on the issue. The third and fourth revisions dealt mostly with punctuation and individual word changes to make things more poignant in certain places. The last revision was incorporating more of my personal feelings in the conclusion.
  • Point to global changes: how did you reconsider your thesis or organization?
    • Globally speaking, I never really reconsidered my thesis or organization. If this was for real and I had the mountains of data prepared that would be necessary to properly state my case, I would completely revisit how I was presenting to my audience. Because of the specific nature of the data, I would need to play with ways of presenting it that made sense. I imagine it would look something like a video lecture but that's not definite.
  • What led you to these changes? A reconsideration of audience? A shift in purpose?
    • As I stated prior, the audience has been a fixed point throughout. I seriously considered shifting my purpose a couple of times. More to make it easier on myself than anything. My topic has no resolution and therefore it's very hard to argue. Even with further study and investigation a resolution may not be found. Shifting the purpose may be the only logical conclusion if there isn't a data proven final verdict.
  • How do these changes affect your credibility as an author?
    • Since I can't prove a single aspect of my topic I probably sound like just another complainer. Due to the length of time this issue has been in existence I highly doubt I am the first person to present what I've presented. There is no shortage of people trying to end horse racing as a sport. And though I'm not in that category, skeptics could still initially view me as such and reject me outright.
  • How will these changes better address the audience or venue?
    • The changes I have made should endear me more to the audience. Just being grammatically correct goes a long way. My current position will give me a bit of credence with the audience due to the prestigious nature of the RTIP. Combined, they may be enough for somebody to actually take the time and read the entire paper.
  • Point to local changes: how did you reconsider sentence structure and style?
    • My audience is extremely knowledgeable on the subject so I didn't mind being more technical with some of my terms. I also include a lot of detail hoping to alter misconceptions with a group that thinks they all ready know it all. I did shorten specific sentences for emphasis and even threw in some punctuation to help with that.
  • How will these changes assist your audience in understanding your purpose?
    • Due to the expertise of the audience, I feel that providing more detail will assist with them thinking asymmetrically. This issue cannot be approached from one side or the other but must be looked at from a different view. As an audience with preconceived notions, they will think a certain way and not be open to other views that appear conflicting to their own. In this particular issue, 1 + 2 do not equal 3 and I have to get the audience past what's right in front of them to a place they are uncomfortable with going.
  • Did you have to reconsider the conventions of the particular genre in which you are writing?
    • Actually quite often. I believe to maximize affect I would need to give my audience a more clinical, scientific approach. My current draft is factual but when dealing with an emotional issue that often is not enough to persuade or sway the audience. A scientific approach would be extremely unemotional and could perhaps detach the emotion of the audience and allow a deeper focus. However, for this draft, I did not take that approach.
  • Finally, how does the process of reflection help you reconsider your identity as a writer?
    • I am not a touchy, feely type of writer. My process is simply identifying the facts, presenting local conclusions, and providing details of various aspects to possible solutions. My personalty works well within these confines so that is the style I write in. Emotion clouds judgement and so I attempt to remove it whenever possible to help my audience focus on the issue.

Blog Post #50 - Punctuation, Part 2

Playing Futures: Applied..."This is a mirror. You are written a sentence." 3/28/2013
via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic
For this blog I will be revisiting the punctuation section of our textbook and examining four topics within it. I will then read and revise my project 3 draft and reflect on what I've learned.

1. Use a comma after an introductory clause or phrase.

  • This is a style that I use quite often and want to ensure I am doing so properly. The one exception to this is that no comma is required after a short adverb clause or phrase. I was totally unaware of this exception.
2. Use a comma between coordinate adjectives not joined with and. Do not use a comma between cumulative adjectives.
  • I was aware of the rules with coordinate adjectives but learning about the cumulative ones not including the comma was new. I will have to look over the couple of times I have employed this in my draft to ensure I have done it properly.
3. Avoid common misuses of the colon. After such as, including, or for example.
  • I am willing to bet I have committed this misuse, probably multiple times. I was pretty sure that this was a proper use so will have to revisit my work to change any errors with this.
4. Avoid common misuses of the apostrophe. In the possessive pronouns its, whose, his, hers, ours, yours, and theirs.
  • I have previously focused on similar aspect of this and believe it falls into the lazy writing category. I know this rule but sometimes just don't enforce it in my writing. I will have to reread my draft with emphasis on this.
REFLECTION
I never realized how much I didn't know about punctuation. You go through life thinking you have all the rules down pat, but you don't. Commas and semicolons seem to be where I was lacking in knowledge the most. I really did think I knew what I was doing. Ensuring my punctuation is correct will only increase the credibility of my writing.
  • "Building on the lessons already learned can result in quicker, better, and more effective changes."
    • This is an example of the use of a comma between coordinate adjectives. I found a couple instances where I used this and think I now have it grammatically correct.
  • "Countries like Australia, England, France and Canada are dealing with much the same issue as we are here in America."
    • This is an example of the use of a comma between all items in a series. I was pleasantly surprised that when I did incorporate this, I did it correctly.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Blog Post #49 - Refection on Project 3 Draft

Leth-Olsen, Thomas. "broken". 3/16/2013. via Flickr
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I looked at the draft projects of the following peers:
Brandon Goldenberg
Mark Mellott

Though I have not seen any comments on my draft, I can tell you this was a disaster. My first mistake was tackling a topic that has no solution. In the 170 years of this debate, there has never been a solution found and though I do have ideas on how to work towards a resolution, I find it very hard to belief I am the first to do so. There just isn't enough evidence out there to prove one way or another what is the best option to take. I have read the only two studies that have been done on the subject and neither did anything but raise more questions. There needs to be proof, one or the other, and I don't know how to make that happen.

1. What was the purpose and audience of your original paper? How successfully did it achieve that purpose and reach that audience?

  • My original purpose was to create a document that pushed the horse racing industry into conducting the first definitive study on the use of riding crops and their effect or non-effect on the horse. I then wanted to introduce additional ways in which the industry must change in order to garner support from the public. I believe my attempt was a total flop! The study I have in mind would take years to do properly and would require the participation of many, at odds organizations. The basis I proceeded on is that there can be no proper change without the knowledge necessary to make that change. Though I still believe this, the scope is dwarfing in it's complexity.
2. Why are you revising this paper?
  • Because it doesn't do what I want it to do. I very much doubt that I alone would be able to pull something like this off. Just setting up the test subjects would require a mammoth effort that cuts into an industry all ready struggling to financially cover itself. Toning it down and making it a plea for change seems a more prudent move.
3. Whom are you revising for? Get solid answers to the Questions of Audience Awareness.
  • The audience is still The Jockey Club and TOBA. Those are the only organizations that have the ability to make the changes I am proposing. They also have the ability and funds available to make the study a reality. There needs to be a lot more information and quantitative data put into it before anyone would take it seriously though.
4. How will the following aspects of your paper change?
  • Length
    • Other projects that I have seen that are similar to my proposal are in the hundreds of pages long with more than half being data collected to support the movement.
  • Format
    • One format will not be enough. I will need to use media from print, video, presentation, etc. to truly cover the entire issue. For this class and this paper though, I will stick to a "white paper" format.
  • Appearance
    • It needs to be very professional and look like it was clinically produced.
  • Use of evidence
    • This is the toughest one. The evidence/data that I would need is on the scale of an entire college at a university pooling its resources for a 1-2 year test/study. I can include evidence on various pieces but my overall plan requires one definitive study to capture the evidence for one issue.
  • Introduction and conclusion
    • Really need to make sure the conclusion sums it up in an impactful way. There is so much bias out there and to cut through it is a monumental undertaking. Just getting somebody to take the time and listen/read would be a huge step in the right direction. The industry is notoriously slow to make changes and expecting that to be different is irrational.
  • Structure of your argument
    • I think the structure is correct. I believe I am approaching the subject matter the right way and the best way to ensure bias doesn't creep in. Like I've said above though, the data to support the argument just doesn't exist yet.
  • Depth of your argument
    • Honestly, I'm probably barely scratching the surface. This issue has existed for 170 years. My 3 pages aren't going to finalize it my any stretch of the imagination. But I do believe there is a path to true resolution and I will continue to try and figure it out.

Blog Post #48 - Punctuation

Wilson, Rebecca. "Truly, the glue that's holding civilization together, however tenuously".
8/26/2010. via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic
For this blog I will be reviewing some topics under "Punctuation" from our textbook. I will also be briefly discussing what I learned and what was new or surprising.

SEMICOLON

  • Use a semicolon between closely related independent clauses not joined with a coordinating conjunction.
    • I know I have struggled with this in the past. Especially due to my style of cramming in as much information as I can. Ensuring that a comma is used with a coordinating conjunction or with a semicolon when no conjunction is present. This can also be a way of changing up the style if I find too much repetition.
  • Use a semicolon between items in a series containing internal punctuation.
    • Making sure there is a series containing internal punctuation and not just introducing a list. I encounter this quite often since I use lists frequently. Another common mistake I'm sure I have made. Once again though, a way to change things up if meaning and intent can be maintained by varying the punctuation.
APOSTROPHE
  • Use an apostrophe to indicate that a noun is possessive.
    • I actually find myself stopping my writing to ensure that I am using this properly. An extremely common mistake that confuses the reader and alters meaning. A simple rule to follow but sometimes difficult to execute.
  • Do not use an apostrophe to form the plural of numbers, letters, abbreviations, and words mentioned as words.
    • I run into this often especially dealing with time spans. Referring the 80's incorrectly only makes that time more ridiculous than it already was.
END PUNCTUATION
  • The period, question mark, and exclamation point.
    • Rarely do I find myself using exclamation points. I stay away from it due to not knowing when it is appropriate. I try to ensure that the words in the sentence have all the emphasis they need without throwing in punctuation to help. Mixing it in now and then may be a way to direct emphasis on certain points.
OTHER PUNCTUATION MARKS
  • The dash
    • To set off parenthetical material that deserves emphasis. To introduce a list, a restatement, an amplification, or a dramatic shift in tone or thought.
      • I have stayed away from dashes due to not knowing how to properly utilize them. This is another way to emphasis and also break monotony.
  • Brackets
    • With the type of writing we have been doing, I can now see a use for brackets. I have encountered several instances of errors in quotes and missing subjects in statements that brackets could have rectified.
  • The slash
    • Though I have been using it correctly, I sometimes include spaces to make it easier for reading. I am guilty of using the he/she and now have a better way to address this.

REFLECTIONS
  • Obviously medical or religious exemptions are different cases than nonmedical, or personal-belief exemptions.
    • This sentence from Brandon's draft needs a comma placed after obviously and a hyphen in non-medical.
  • Due to a small design flaw in the ventilation system, a small leakage occurred.
    • This sentence from Mark's draft correctly uses a comma to break a cause and effect relationship.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Blog Post #47 - Draft of Public Argument

westvang, astrid. "Shipyard". 5/24/2014. via Flickr
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For any of my peers who may review this, please leave any and all comments. For some reason I feel lost within this draft and have been unable to say what I am wanting to say. Perhaps it's because I have been dealing with this issue for years now and am way too close to it. I don't think I've made much of an argument, if any, and my road-ahead solutions aren't set in stone.

Any words of wisdom or things you think may spice it up would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Jason


My Draft


Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Blog Post #46 - Paraphrasing a Source

eltpics. "Big brother and smaller sister". 9/25/2013. via Flickr
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For this blog post I will be choosing a specific passage from my source documents and paraphrasing it.

ORIGINAL

While the new rule has been developed over a period of time, it comes less than two months after Triple Crown-winning jockey Victor Espinoza was fined $300 for his use of the whip on Stella Wind during her 5 1/4-length victory in the Santa Anita Oaks (gr. I). Espinoza also was criticized for the number of times he used the whip on American Pharoah during the eventual Triple Crown winner's victory in the Kentucky Derby Presented by Yum! Brands (gr. I). No action was taken as a result of the Derby ride after it was deemed Espinoza's actions were permissible under Kentucky rules.

link: http://www.bloodhorse.com/horse-racing/articles/92813/california-implements-new-whip-rule


MY PARAPHRASE

The new rule comes on the heels of Victor Espinoza being fined for his use of the whip during the Santa Anita Oaks. Espinoza was also criticized over his use of the whip during the Kentucky Derby which was not in violation of that state's rules.

Blog Post #45 - Outlining My Public Argument

Sane, Ian. "Riding A Good Outline". 6/29/2013. via Flickr
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In his blog I will be outlining my public argument. I will be providing a good-looking, easy-to-read but detailed picture of how I planning on addressing my argument.

  • Introduction
    • Think about Your Situation
      • California, New York and Minnesota have all amended their whipping rules in 2015. This is directly attributed to pressure against the horse racing industry due to excessive use of the riding crop by jockeys.
      • In the past decade there have been many reforms across all states that allow racing.
      • Requirement for new style of riding crop that is more sound than snap.
      • Public perception drives the allure of the sport. For the sport to grow there must be an increase in public acceptance.
    • My main goal is to restate the current situation without bias and ensure the audience are all aware of exactly how things stand. I am also asserting that only through public acceptance can/will the sport return to its former glory days. I want to stay away from any aspect of controversy and do not want to make any appeals to the audience in this paragraph.
  • Body
    1. List Down the Major Supporting Arguments
      1. Unless there is a change with public opinion towards the perceived abuse by use of the riding crop, the sport will continue to wane.
      2. States are all ready making changes, so the problem is very real and must be addressed.
      3. There is still no proof that excessive use of a riding crop does anything to improve the horses finishing position. If it does no good, why use it?
      4. The use of the crop is reflected in the culture of the jockeys. This is visualized by veterans not using it and apprentices over-using it. Change must occur with the jockeys perceived idea of what it does.
    2. List Down the Major Criticisms
      1. Using a whip is abuse.
      2. There aren't strong enough penalties to deter abusing the whip.
    3. Key Support and Rebuttal Points
      1. The issue is identified and the industry is in the process of making changes.
      2. Since we cannot get rid of the crop entirely for safety reasons, strict regulation of its use needs to be formed and enacted.
      3. Current regulations changes in California, New York and Minnesota need to be a national accepted standard instead of individual state standard.
      4. Even if new regulations are enacted, strict enforcement will be necessary.
    4. Tentative Topic Sentence
      1. Current changes underway are a great start in getting the industry to change, but we are still a long way from a permanent solution.
      2. Penalties for violations are not steep enough to deter offenders from repeating transgressions.
    5. Gather Evidence
      1. Use the associations for CA, NY, MN for their rule sets.
      2. Quotes from The Jockey Club and other notable personalities.
    6. Map of My Argument
      1. Current changes being enacted and how it is a good start.
      2. Still more to do.
        1. Enforcement.
        2. Strict Penalties.
      3. Where the finishing line should be.
        1. National rules/regulations.
        2. Continued study into cause/effect.
        3. Ways to further increase public opinion and awareness.
  • Conclusion
    • Future of the Debate / Positive Consequences
      • I would like to take portions of each these (majority being Future of the Debate) to detail how there is still so much to be done even though we are taking positive first steps. There must be a highlighting of the benefits received through action to rectify the issue. An actual study needs to be conducted with real-race test subjects. How is the industry going to inform the public how it is policing itself and improving the welfare of the athletes.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Blog Post #44 - Considering Types

For this blog I will be explaining which type of argument I am considering for my public argument project. I will also discuss why and the reason I did not choose the other possibilities.
Ohl, Bill. "option". 1/16/2006 via Flickr
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I am considering using a proposal argument. I have leaning towards this method due to the nature of my audience. This argument analyzes a particular problem and then develops a proposal for addressing the problem in its thesis. They map out their solutions step-by-step for their readers. I truly belief that this is the best method for many reasons. Everybody in this industry has chosen to be here. They have a vested interest and a lot at stake depending on how the industry flows. There is also a mutual feeling of everybody being against them, which unites the members. Using this information, I believe that by presenting the "real" issue and the best possible solution for all participating parties is the correct approach. Getting the "buy in" may be the easy part though. Making any kind of change will most assuredly be much more difficult.

I would also consider evaluative as a possibility but this would mean that a policy must all ready be in effect. Likewise, a casual argument could also be a choice. Stating the problem and pointing to different solutions is similar to what I am intending but the proposal has a plan of action included with its step-by-step process.

A position argument has been going on for 40 years and accomplished nothing. Just adding to what is all ready out there isn't of interest to me.

A refutation argument would be the least effective as that would immediately put me at odds with the audience. Though by the end they may see how that is not the case, I believe I would loose a large majority right off the bat.

Blog Post #43 - My Rhetorical Action Plan

For this blog I will be providing some answers to questions out of our textbook in reference to developing an action plan for my public argument.
WorldIslandInfo.com "Planning session". 12/9/2006 via Flickr
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  1. Audience: Who are you going to try to persuade with your public argument? Describe the following aspects of your audience in a few sentences:

  • Knowledge
    • The issue has been ongoing for almost 40 years so the audience knows the basics. The will all have a varying degree of bias depending on who they are getting their information from. In depth details and nuances will be new items to consider as the majority of the audience will only know what they've read or heard on the surface. The audience will also be made up of experts in their individual disciplines. This is problematic as they will assume they all ready know the right answer due to their expertise.
  • Values
    • This is the one aspect that is almost unanimous. Everyone wants what is best for the jockeys, horses and the sport. Few will be able to agree on HOW to encompass it all but the need of a solution is certain.
  • Standards of Argument
    • There has to be an unbiased study that uses real-life data not just laboratory tests. There is so much money involved that people are reluctant to change as it may change their incomes.
    • The industry has a pretty open format for airing concerns. As long as the speaker stays away from sounding like an animal rights activist, the audience should be willing to listen to somebody who has their ducks in a row.
    • Everyone in the industry feels like they are an expert in their own aspect. The most affected by the argument are the jockeys as they are the ones carrying and using the crops (trainers right behind them). Touching on their areas of expertise will be tricky without insulting their intelligence or making them feel they are being attacked.
  • Visual Elements
    • People usually prefer seeing proof as statistical data and figures.  Videos may help for examples but the majority of the argument has to come from cold, hard, irrefutable data.
  • Purpose
    • If you are in the horse racing industry, you are well aware of how the industry is constantly under attack and how there has been a steady decline in the sport since the late 1960s. The hint of anything that may help promote the sport or increase its public acceptance will be listened to. Also, everyone is aware of the issue and everyone has heard 10 billion solutions, none of which have been effective. Skepticism will be well represented.
2. Genre: What form of writing will you use? After identifying your genre, list your answers for the following questions:
  • Function of Genre
    • I will be using a formal informative paper as my genre. I have chosen this due to the need to have my audience understand the issue and present facts and data leading to necessary changes. I am also planning on addressing concerns related to the issue that will give a sense of urgency in making a decision.
    • I foresee the paper being passed around association committees for review and analysis. The industry is extremely slow to make changes and all areas that could be impacted need to be reviewed in depth. This is an industry where it is very easy to loose credibility but very hard to build it back up.
    • There needs to be an address to each of the appeals. Ethos and pathos can be slightly less focused as the issue is filled with both of those. The hard part will be presenting the information to the logos as I will be dealing with experts/professionals who have been in the industry for their entire lives. Unless clear, concise, accurate data is laid out in an manner making it irrefutable, it will be vary difficult to build support for change.
    • Ideally there would be an in depth study with data, graphs and test results to support the argument. The data I believe I would need could take years to produce and would need to cover many situations and circumstances. That information would need to be presented in such a manner as to not insult the intelligence of the audience but still lay out all the facts.
    • I believe the best approach would be a mix of academic and formal. Though the industry is very small and tight knit, there still needs to be a formality to it which gives it credence. The need for a pass of experiment results and tested data best fits into the academic genre; however, staying away from "over-the-top" verbiage suits the culture of the audience.
3. Responses/Actions: Explain the possible actions you would like your audience to take after they read or view your argument.
  • Important Negative Rebuttals
    • After looking at the potential positive and negative rebuttals, I feel the following negatives will be important to address.
      • By regulating a jockeys use of the riding crop, you are affecting how they can influence the actions of the horse.
        • This is true, you are taking some of the options away from the the drivers. The gain in public acceptance from not seeing a jockey whip a horse can go a long way to improving public relations. It also puts more emphasis on the trainers requiring more preparation for the athletes. It may also be that certain animals are just not cut out to be on the track.
      • If you remove/limit the use of the riding crop, jockeys will find other methods to get the similar results which may be illegal/unethical.
        • Once again, this is a definite possibility. Similar to trainers using banned substances, their will always be a percentage of people trying to get around the system to achieve results. There is too much money at stake and the industry almost breeds it into the culture. With proper regulation and enforcement of the standards, violators will be caught and prosecuted.
  • Possible Chain of Events
    • As this issue has been ongoing for many years, it will take an extremely comprehensive study with irrefutable evidence to force change. If that data is presented with valid options to current practices and the potential gains for the industry are shown I believe a change could be brought about. There have been many, minor alterations over the past 20 years that have addressed the subject and none of them have had an impact on the public perception. The industry continues to decline and unless a solution that can be found, the danger of the industry becoming irrelevant is very real.