Blog Post #50 - Punctuation, Part 2

Playing Futures: Applied..."This is a mirror. You are written a sentence." 3/28/2013
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For this blog I will be revisiting the punctuation section of our textbook and examining four topics within it. I will then read and revise my project 3 draft and reflect on what I've learned.

1. Use a comma after an introductory clause or phrase.

• This is a style that I use quite often and want to ensure I am doing so properly. The one exception to this is that no comma is required after a short adverb clause or phrase. I was totally unaware of this exception.

2. Use a comma between coordinate adjectives not joined with and. Do not use a comma between cumulative adjectives.

• I was aware of the rules with coordinate adjectives but learning about the cumulative ones not including the comma was new. I will have to look over the couple of times I have employed this in my draft to ensure I have done it properly.

3. Avoid common misuses of the colon. After such as, including, or for example.

• I am willing to bet I have committed this misuse, probably multiple times. I was pretty sure that this was a proper use so will have to revisit my work to change any errors with this.

4. Avoid common misuses of the apostrophe. In the possessive pronouns its, whose, his, hers, ours, yours, and theirs.

• I have previously focused on similar aspect of this and believe it falls into the lazy writing category. I know this rule but sometimes just don't enforce it in my writing. I will have to reread my draft with emphasis on this.

REFLECTION

I never realized how much I didn't know about punctuation. You go through life thinking you have all the rules down pat, but you don't. Commas and semicolons seem to be where I was lacking in knowledge the most. I really did think I knew what I was doing. Ensuring my punctuation is correct will only increase the credibility of my writing.

• "Building on the lessons already learned can result in quicker, better, and more effective changes."
• This is an example of the use of a comma between coordinate adjectives. I found a couple instances where I used this and think I now have it grammatically correct.
• "Countries like Australia, England, France and Canada are dealing with much the same issue as we are here in America."
• This is an example of the use of a comma between all items in a series. I was pleasantly surprised that when I did incorporate this, I did it correctly.

Blog Post #49 - Refection on Project 3 Draft

Leth-Olsen, Thomas. "broken". 3/16/2013. via Flickr
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I looked at the draft projects of the following peers:
Brandon Goldenberg
Mark Mellott

Though I have not seen any comments on my draft, I can tell you this was a disaster. My first mistake was tackling a topic that has no solution. In the 170 years of this debate, there has never been a solution found and though I do have ideas on how to work towards a resolution, I find it very hard to belief I am the first to do so. There just isn't enough evidence out there to prove one way or another what is the best option to take. I have read the only two studies that have been done on the subject and neither did anything but raise more questions. There needs to be proof, one or the other, and I don't know how to make that happen.

1. What was the purpose and audience of your original paper? How successfully did it achieve that purpose and reach that audience?

• My original purpose was to create a document that pushed the horse racing industry into conducting the first definitive study on the use of riding crops and their effect or non-effect on the horse. I then wanted to introduce additional ways in which the industry must change in order to garner support from the public. I believe my attempt was a total flop! The study I have in mind would take years to do properly and would require the participation of many, at odds organizations. The basis I proceeded on is that there can be no proper change without the knowledge necessary to make that change. Though I still believe this, the scope is dwarfing in it's complexity.

2. Why are you revising this paper?

• Because it doesn't do what I want it to do. I very much doubt that I alone would be able to pull something like this off. Just setting up the test subjects would require a mammoth effort that cuts into an industry all ready struggling to financially cover itself. Toning it down and making it a plea for change seems a more prudent move.

3. Whom are you revising for? Get solid answers to the Questions of Audience Awareness.

• The audience is still The Jockey Club and TOBA. Those are the only organizations that have the ability to make the changes I am proposing. They also have the ability and funds available to make the study a reality. There needs to be a lot more information and quantitative data put into it before anyone would take it seriously though.

4. How will the following aspects of your paper change?

• Length
• Other projects that I have seen that are similar to my proposal are in the hundreds of pages long with more than half being data collected to support the movement.
• Format
• One format will not be enough. I will need to use media from print, video, presentation, etc. to truly cover the entire issue. For this class and this paper though, I will stick to a "white paper" format.
• Appearance
• It needs to be very professional and look like it was clinically produced.
• Use of evidence
• This is the toughest one. The evidence/data that I would need is on the scale of an entire college at a university pooling its resources for a 1-2 year test/study. I can include evidence on various pieces but my overall plan requires one definitive study to capture the evidence for one issue.
• Introduction and conclusion
• Really need to make sure the conclusion sums it up in an impactful way. There is so much bias out there and to cut through it is a monumental undertaking. Just getting somebody to take the time and listen/read would be a huge step in the right direction. The industry is notoriously slow to make changes and expecting that to be different is irrational.
• Structure of your argument
• I think the structure is correct. I believe I am approaching the subject matter the right way and the best way to ensure bias doesn't creep in. Like I've said above though, the data to support the argument just doesn't exist yet.
• Depth of your argument
• Honestly, I'm probably barely scratching the surface. This issue has existed for 170 years. My 3 pages aren't going to finalize it my any stretch of the imagination. But I do believe there is a path to true resolution and I will continue to try and figure it out.

Blog Post #48 - Punctuation

Wilson, Rebecca. "Truly, the glue that's holding civilization together, however tenuously".
8/26/2010. via Flickr. Attribution 2.0 Generic

For this blog I will be reviewing some topics under "Punctuation" from our textbook. I will also be briefly discussing what I learned and what was new or surprising.

SEMICOLON

• Use a semicolon between closely related independent clauses not joined with a coordinating conjunction.
• I know I have struggled with this in the past. Especially due to my style of cramming in as much information as I can. Ensuring that a comma is used with a coordinating conjunction or with a semicolon when no conjunction is present. This can also be a way of changing up the style if I find too much repetition.
• Use a semicolon between items in a series containing internal punctuation.
• Making sure there is a series containing internal punctuation and not just introducing a list. I encounter this quite often since I use lists frequently. Another common mistake I'm sure I have made. Once again though, a way to change things up if meaning and intent can be maintained by varying the punctuation.

APOSTROPHE

• Use an apostrophe to indicate that a noun is possessive.
• I actually find myself stopping my writing to ensure that I am using this properly. An extremely common mistake that confuses the reader and alters meaning. A simple rule to follow but sometimes difficult to execute.
• Do not use an apostrophe to form the plural of numbers, letters, abbreviations, and words mentioned as words.
• I run into this often especially dealing with time spans. Referring the 80's incorrectly only makes that time more ridiculous than it already was.

END PUNCTUATION

• The period, question mark, and exclamation point.
• Rarely do I find myself using exclamation points. I stay away from it due to not knowing when it is appropriate. I try to ensure that the words in the sentence have all the emphasis they need without throwing in punctuation to help. Mixing it in now and then may be a way to direct emphasis on certain points.

OTHER PUNCTUATION MARKS

• The dash
• To set off parenthetical material that deserves emphasis. To introduce a list, a restatement, an amplification, or a dramatic shift in tone or thought.
• I have stayed away from dashes due to not knowing how to properly utilize them. This is another way to emphasis and also break monotony.
• Brackets
• With the type of writing we have been doing, I can now see a use for brackets. I have encountered several instances of errors in quotes and missing subjects in statements that brackets could have rectified.
• The slash
• Though I have been using it correctly, I sometimes include spaces to make it easier for reading. I am guilty of using the he/she and now have a better way to address this.

REFLECTIONS

• Obviously medical or religious exemptions are different cases than nonmedical, or personal-belief exemptions.
• This sentence from Brandon's draft needs a comma placed after obviously and a hyphen in non-medical.
• Due to a small design flaw in the ventilation system, a small leakage occurred.
• This sentence from Mark's draft correctly uses a comma to break a cause and effect relationship.

Blog Post #47 - Draft of Public Argument

westvang, astrid. "Shipyard". 5/24/2014. via Flickr
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For any of my peers who may review this, please leave any and all comments. For some reason I feel lost within this draft and have been unable to say what I am wanting to say. Perhaps it's because I have been dealing with this issue for years now and am way too close to it. I don't think I've made much of an argument, if any, and my road-ahead solutions aren't set in stone.

Any words of wisdom or things you think may spice it up would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Jason


My Draft

Blog Post #46 - Paraphrasing a Source

eltpics. "Big brother and smaller sister". 9/25/2013. via Flickr
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For this blog post I will be choosing a specific passage from my source documents and paraphrasing it.

ORIGINAL

While the new rule has been developed over a period of time, it comes less than two months after Triple Crown-winning jockey Victor Espinoza was fined $300 for his use of the whip on Stella Wind during her 5 1/4-length victory in the Santa Anita Oaks (gr. I). Espinoza also was criticized for the number of times he used the whip on American Pharoah during the eventual Triple Crown winner's victory in the Kentucky Derby Presented by Yum! Brands (gr. I). No action was taken as a result of the Derby ride after it was deemed Espinoza's actions were permissible under Kentucky rules.

link: http://www.bloodhorse.com/horse-racing/articles/92813/california-implements-new-whip-rule


MY PARAPHRASE

The new rule comes on the heels of Victor Espinoza being fined for his use of the whip during the Santa Anita Oaks. Espinoza was also criticized over his use of the whip during the Kentucky Derby which was not in violation of that state's rules.

Blog Post #45 - Outlining My Public Argument

Sane, Ian. "Riding A Good Outline". 6/29/2013. via Flickr
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In his blog I will be outlining my public argument. I will be providing a good-looking, easy-to-read but detailed picture of how I planning on addressing my argument.

• Introduction
• Think about Your Situation
• California, New York and Minnesota have all amended their whipping rules in 2015. This is directly attributed to pressure against the horse racing industry due to excessive use of the riding crop by jockeys.
• In the past decade there have been many reforms across all states that allow racing.
• Requirement for new style of riding crop that is more sound than snap.
• Public perception drives the allure of the sport. For the sport to grow there must be an increase in public acceptance.
• My main goal is to restate the current situation without bias and ensure the audience are all aware of exactly how things stand. I am also asserting that only through public acceptance can/will the sport return to its former glory days. I want to stay away from any aspect of controversy and do not want to make any appeals to the audience in this paragraph.
• Body
1. List Down the Major Supporting Arguments
1. Unless there is a change with public opinion towards the perceived abuse by use of the riding crop, the sport will continue to wane.
2. States are all ready making changes, so the problem is very real and must be addressed.
3. There is still no proof that excessive use of a riding crop does anything to improve the horses finishing position. If it does no good, why use it?
4. The use of the crop is reflected in the culture of the jockeys. This is visualized by veterans not using it and apprentices over-using it. Change must occur with the jockeys perceived idea of what it does.
2. List Down the Major Criticisms
1. Using a whip is abuse.
2. There aren't strong enough penalties to deter abusing the whip.
3. Key Support and Rebuttal Points
1. The issue is identified and the industry is in the process of making changes.
2. Since we cannot get rid of the crop entirely for safety reasons, strict regulation of its use needs to be formed and enacted.
3. Current regulations changes in California, New York and Minnesota need to be a national accepted standard instead of individual state standard.
4. Even if new regulations are enacted, strict enforcement will be necessary.
4. Tentative Topic Sentence
1. Current changes underway are a great start in getting the industry to change, but we are still a long way from a permanent solution.
2. Penalties for violations are not steep enough to deter offenders from repeating transgressions.
5. Gather Evidence
1. Use the associations for CA, NY, MN for their rule sets.
2. Quotes from The Jockey Club and other notable personalities.
6. Map of My Argument
1. Current changes being enacted and how it is a good start.
2. Still more to do.
1. Enforcement.
2. Strict Penalties.
3. Where the finishing line should be.
1. National rules/regulations.
2. Continued study into cause/effect.
3. Ways to further increase public opinion and awareness.
• Conclusion
• Future of the Debate / Positive Consequences
• I would like to take portions of each these (majority being Future of the Debate) to detail how there is still so much to be done even though we are taking positive first steps. There must be a highlighting of the benefits received through action to rectify the issue. An actual study needs to be conducted with real-race test subjects. How is the industry going to inform the public how it is policing itself and improving the welfare of the athletes.

Blog Post #44 - Considering Types

For this blog I will be explaining which type of argument I am considering for my public argument project. I will also discuss why and the reason I did not choose the other possibilities.

Ohl, Bill. "option". 1/16/2006 via Flickr
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I am considering using a proposal argument. I have leaning towards this method due to the nature of my audience. This argument analyzes a particular problem and then develops a proposal for addressing the problem in its thesis. They map out their solutions step-by-step for their readers. I truly belief that this is the best method for many reasons. Everybody in this industry has chosen to be here. They have a vested interest and a lot at stake depending on how the industry flows. There is also a mutual feeling of everybody being against them, which unites the members. Using this information, I believe that by presenting the "real" issue and the best possible solution for all participating parties is the correct approach. Getting the "buy in" may be the easy part though. Making any kind of change will most assuredly be much more difficult.

I would also consider evaluative as a possibility but this would mean that a policy must all ready be in effect. Likewise, a casual argument could also be a choice. Stating the problem and pointing to different solutions is similar to what I am intending but the proposal has a plan of action included with its step-by-step process.

A position argument has been going on for 40 years and accomplished nothing. Just adding to what is all ready out there isn't of interest to me.

A refutation argument would be the least effective as that would immediately put me at odds with the audience. Though by the end they may see how that is not the case, I believe I would loose a large majority right off the bat.